where the tide's ebb and flow is all our minds really know

elllo guys :)
i trust that everybody is content with their results. i hope that your future remains open to the realm of possibility. aren't we all thrust to a world of great change now? the road forks, and in the distance a bright star awaits, only to be chased by a lost and restless sojourner.

it's been interesting on this side. queenscliff wasn't too bad, metallica was awesome, and the 18th's that i've been to have been quite satisfying. kudos to gab, anne and liba!
i thought that getting my results would finally steer me to a road of resolution, and provide me with opportunities to absolve my weaknesses. instead, i have come to realise and accept that our weaknesses are as valuable as our strengths, and that on walking the road of life, your weaknesses and strengths stand hand in hand with each other.
cutting out my heart for somebody else isn't leading me to the life i wish to have. sincerity has been one of my strengths, but it also means that you are prone to more suffering, criticism and solitude than ever. opening up myself is the only way i learn, and my vulnerability stands on a tightrope every day of my life. this is why i'm pretty temperamental, hence why i need music to neutralise my mood.

i want to pursue my musical ventures soon.
i think i will go overseas sometime next year.
most likely a gap year.
i accept a rocky love life.
i have a feeling that my friends will be at the bedrock of which i define australia. australia is my home.
and as stephen blackpool said, 'i must do it, not to brave you, but to live'

for my 18th in February, i'm thinking of organising a gig at my church hall. it is an unlicensed premise, so covers can be played, no royalties to be paid. be warned though, it has lots of reverb lol, so naturally the bass can be turned down :P
i feel that i need to give back to all those who have defined me. who knows, you might not see me again for 5 months or so after february. any musicians who just want to play (and perhaps gain income depending on numbers), come see me :)

i feel that in the next few months we will be reborn, the cocoon in which we were so enconsced will expand, our ego boundaries exposed to more definition than ever. i cherish the people closest to me, the experiences i've had, the places i've seen, and the lessons i've learnt.
there will be notions/people to cling to. there will be farewells.
apart from stating the obvious, moving on from a stage of life like this will test us. hopefully i can see you on the other side, cos believe me, i want to keep in contact with as many people as possible. i value you.

no life is perfect, but once one accepts fear, suffering, death, sorrow, then his/her outlook on life is injected by a desire to learn, live and love.

best wishes for your future decisions. i might post before xmas, but if not, merry xmas! enjoy good times with good company.

thanks for being you,
justin

how do we say goodbye if we've hardly said hello?

hey guys!
hope everybody's enjoying a restful break. whether it be going away with friends (i'm off to queenscliff in a few days), hanging here in melbourne, or having a job, i'm sure we can all agree to an extent that having a lot of time to ourselves is a lot better than school.
although i do miss the community aspect of school, the fast paced nature, the drama, the microcosm that houses ignorance and the bliss of other's company. if only life was so simple...

title is taken from Bring Me The Horizon. although the song is about one night stands, it raises a good point about how much friendship means to us, and the connections that we forge with exterior landscapes in order to gain a sense of stability (you can tell I am missing Y12 english context already :P)

i beat myself internally about what i want in my life, and how it contradicts what i need. i have been told i think too much, but still, it's a little daunting to realise that you will only keep in mutual contact with 10-20 friends in less than 3 months from now. the instability of what i see before me is palpable.

Solitude VS Change. Overseas VS Melbourne. GAP year VS University. Music Industry VS good asian commerce course in Melbourne or Monash.

I am apprehensive of the future. but i know i have to move on from some things in my life, and wipe a clean slate.

i am a little bit of a scatterbrain of emotions, but i guess i just want what every human wants: a sense of constancy against a wave of overwhelming instability.

until 13th of December, I will have fun, party hard, unleash rockstar and whatnot, be a bachelor and whatnot. once 13th of December approaches, an agenda will basically be plotted in a week re next year.

bring on suffering! see the brighter side of it :)
justin

balls in the air

hello guys!!!
i haven't blogged in a while, but i think now is an apt time to reflect on last few months.
so yeh congratulations to everyone who have finished, and best wishes for those who do french (bei xi)!
it's been a long path of solitude for everyone. i'm sorry that i haven't been as open to people as i would have liked; i guess that business just encourages goal-directed utilitarian behaviour.

so the title refers to an interview by Lars Ulrich (that guy can't do an interview for shit, but ah well, ok drummer (Y)). he used the analogy of 'balls in the air' to symbolise many prospects for the future.
and as we all celebrate, get drunk, smoke weed, hump inanimate objects, or play wii let's begin to devise a future plan. at least now we can live in the now, whilst carrying out everything we wish for, without any external pressures.

so balls are in the air on the Wong frontier. So many things i want to do, decisions i have to make. music, social life, job, driving, travelling, I'm coming for you!

just a little something from Parkway Drive to finish:
'Embrace the last empty horizon'
Bring the ruckus!

Justin

and i swear that i don't have a gun

gotta love nirvana. i do believe 'come as you are' is the only song Jerome can play on the guitar :P

sup ppl? y12 a big fat pain in the buttocks? yeh thought so. at this end i've done about 48hrs, could do more but ah well
apart from study, i went to an 18th the other night, and this lovely girl (who I believe was inebriated) struck a conversation about VCE with me. when I told her what my subjects were, she "politely" commented: 'O man, why aren't you dead already?'

which is a good point. i stress myself too much, create my own problems, and in the end complain about them. i guess human nature is like that eh?

keep hanging on ppl! the end is nigh. my response to the lovely girl's statement was 'well I believe in myself and enjoy what I do. without that i wouldn't be living and i would have dropped out by now'
we danced afterwards :)

got japanese oral exam tomorrow. that will be the first of nine exams which I have these two months (averaging 1 exam a week).
this is probably the last post in two months that i will do
I wish everyone luck with exams! :)

hang low, but not too low that you can't see the end :)
justin

to all the russian ladies and the u.s knife clubs :)

hello everybody from all around the world
i was checking my traffic sources lately, and it traced back to a few interesting websites
one being a russian search engine; i wonder who typed in 'and i don't mean teenage lust' into yandex and then bother to check my entry on the fourth page. hmmm. hope it's a lady :)
and another source was a u.s knife club that educates americans how to use knives effectively. now if the guy who educates them (hank i think?) is reading, i must say, your club is pretty hardcore. keep up the good work man :)

whatever it is, we meet interesting people along the walk of life. and isn't it funny how one name can disseminate across three or four continents without us noticing?
so ponder on your actions this week. i know it's a really unenjoyable holiday period for most people, but think on how you want the world to see you, and how much dignity and esteem you hold as a person.
'your character is what you are when no one is looking'

have fun, stay low, chillax
justin

enjoying what is here

i love a good old ballad
it soothes the soul, and fills that void in your heart
it moves you along in the knowledge that every dog has its day, and that your time will come soon
it makes you cherish that life is ok, and acknolwedges that happihess is not truly reached unless you acknowledge you are living your life just the way you want to.

over these last few weeks i have come to realise that i have a blessed childhood, which i wouldn't trade for. it has instilled within me the desire for poverty, for humility of spirit.
i have epiphanies sometimes, where i breathe the salubrious air of my surrounds, glance upon the sunlight that cleaves through the green trees. i tear leaves and smell them.
the chlorophyll seeps through my nostrils, and i feel a visceral peace with every landscape. this is how i get high on life. i am very easily pleased.

i hope everybody takes time to acknowledge that life is beautiful. see life in technicolor, and not black and white.
and should your life become instable and defragment before your eyes, breathe deeply. you could take a dose of perspective. but more importantly, value yourself and know that you are in control of everything you do. it's your life, you have control, enjoy the control :)

love you
justin

i want you, i need you, but i can't have you now.

hello everyone

i pray that everyone finds time to nourish themselves, and believe in who they are, who they're with, and why they are here on this earth. Whenever I revisit self purpose, I am reinvigorated and energised, and it is the only reason I wake up in the morning. Believing in what's behind me, what's before me, and what's happening to me, and the people of my life, is the only reason I'm not surrendering, and dropping out of school tomorrow.

We surge forward, a tide that acts as one. We face seas of adversity, which attempts to engulf and supercede our consciences. These next few months will be quick; however, pressures will envelope in and out our mind, body and soul.

I must say I've been feeling the heat of school, and I am sick of being propounded by unnecessary pressures. These have brought to light what is absent in my life, which seeks to threaten my everyday confidence.

Yes. Let's revert to something men talk about at face value, but cannot recognise and organise at its deepest recesses. GIRLS!!! I feel torn that I can't share myself with a girl, and I don't mean teenage lust bullshit that you find in any joeblow relationship, I want the real thing where I can display my affections to another girl, and understand them, caress them, complement them.

But I can't act upon impetuous desire now, for they are nascent and unjustified. Let's ride on to the night, man up, and know that in the future, girls will come when they come.

When you go to bed every single night, reassess your day.
1) Are you exhausted?
2) Have you done what you've wanted to achieve today?
3) Physically and mentally, was there anything you could have achieved but didn't today?

These questions dictate the last seconds of my day. Similar questions are asked when I wake up, ie "What do you want to achieve today etc.?" and "are you enjoying your life?"

if i respond negatively to the latter, I sleep in :P

it's tough. but hang in there. Light is within us, and light is before us.

Justin

only after the last tree is cut, and the last river is poisoned, only until the last fish is caught, will you find that money can't be eaten

ello everyone! :):):):)

what an eventful week. two sacs. one street retreat. one 'get drunk, act really shifty' 18th.

i love preaching happiness, how it reverberates through my very seams. allow me to juxtapose richness and poverty in this very world.

Money cannot be eaten. The most important things in life are the people you know, where you've been, and the experiences you've had. Nobody can take away from you your stored landscape and your identity. You are wealth incarnate, and your spirit is as pure as gold. Feel value in your life, because you deserve everything this world has to offer, You have dignity, and I believe in you. You are beautiful and important to me.
(now if only I can say that to a girl :P)

The street retreat I went to on Wednesday challenged my faith a little bit. To hear about a guy who spent 42 yrs in jail, and is now addicted to heroin, was one of those eye-openers you don't often get. He's shoplifted, seen stabbings, seen death. How fragile is human nature that we create problems for ourselves through a lack of belief in ourselves and the world. Sure some problems are thrust onto us; however, from then onwards we make the calls in our lives.

Also saw this Aboriginal guy called Mr Morgz, whom spent his 18th b'day until his 21st b'day in jail. He offered us '2 grams of pot for $30', which I thought was quite funny. He's on youtube making a living for himself as a rapper.

To quote Lord Of The Flies "The simplest solutions are often the greatest". I'll contradict myself by saying that yes, you do need a balance of financial wealth and inherent wealth in life. But we need to cherish the simple things of life. Materialism means nothing until we attach a bit of ourselves onto it; this is what I mean by money cannot be eaten. The simple things play as much a role in forming a sense of who we are in the world as money, measurable success, social status. I try to be one that advocates openness in life. It would be pretty boring to see the world in black and white only.

Colour your space :) Colour your lens, and how you see the world :)
Yes I know, whatever I say is littered with contradictions, so point them out to me plox. I love learning.
Love you
Justin

now is the time to assuage your desires :)

Hello everyone!

I hope your world is a beautiful place. Although I am bound by social jurisdictions, I can still say I am quite content with my life.
Although like all of you, I have year 12, a year which threatens to mould one's identity, and leave some disorientated, dazed and confused. I've been there before. It's not a comfortable posse.

Having said that though, the calm after the storm is often the best point of time to savour one's life. After busy times, reorienting one's direction in life is often useful to ensure you are milking every single ounce of life.

So on that note, i'll try and jot down a gameplan here so that, when confused at all, I can refer to this gameplan to boost my confidence and reinforce a sense of purpose in my life.

1) I'm heading towards that last exam on 17th of November
2) I want to feed my musical aspirations next year. If I don't give music at least one go, I will lose a part of me.
3) Courses such as Journalism, International Studies (for my humanitarian side :P) and Music Industry have popped up recently as a result of RMIT. Cross that bridge when I get to it :P
4) If all goes well, a year off for me next year. Academia and monetary wealth shouldn't be all that is in a year 12's mind at this stage of the game.

Once we finish that last exam, I encourage everyone to explore the world. Be like little Dora the Explorer, because the world's your oyster. Feed what you love, and if what you love can only be achieved in uni, then go to uni. If not, then take a year off. Gain life experience. Be a citizen of your surroundings, not a prisoner of your boundaries.

Now parents' expectations can play a HUGE factor in people's future, notably Asians. However, talk to your parents and friends about your future. That might be hard, but don't internalise shit. Internalising is toxic and in the end, it will eat you up inside.

One thing that should be duly noted is that everyone should take the time to enjoy life, and contextualise their existence within their environment. Don't get so busy, that operational forces such as God, fate or Karma has to throw a brick at you to get your attention. Goal-directed behaviour nourishes a person's sense of who they are, and the action that must be taken to achieve their desired future. However, enjoy the motions sometimes. Life is relatively luxurious in Melbourne compared to starving children in Africa, or displaced orphans in China as a result of floods.

Gotta add something else to gameplan: Must finish Year 12! Keep your desires at bay, but give this last three months all you've got. Most of the ATAR's satisfaction lies in whether you've given everything you have. If you start something, you should finish it well.

Oh my meanderings...I hope everybody battles well through the term.
Peace out, mate
Justin

obedience vs freedom. hmmm....

NB - i do not blame you if you get confused by this blog post. it is probably the most dense blog post i have written so far.

hello everyone! i trust everyone has had a lovely holiday, and have, through one way of another, unleashed the tension that is experienced in yr 12.

For two of the three weeks of holiday, I went travelling. Malaysia. England. Italy. I don't feel like boasting about it on the internet, but I will say this: travelling globalises your perspective of life so much. There were a couple of times on this trip that I had great discoveries about myself and the people I love. I travelled for about 60 hours during those two weeks, so that allowed for some deep thinking, natural appreciation, and a lovely time with my family and relatives.
If you want more glamorous details about my trip, ask me about it privately.
Photos will only be up on Facebook because Kat Wong is tagged in most of them :P

Now to the philosophical. It's mainly on my straight edge philosophy.

During the trip, I remained quite passive and laconic, taking in my surroundings as they came, and trying to adapt to new countries. This particularly moved the adults, and there was this one time that struck me when I was a lone teenager amidst five adults eating dinner in Italy (Kat Wong and her friend went to Amsterdam and Paris). They started offering me alcohol, and during the night I refused five different types of wine. I felt so anal, but I really didn't see the point of loosening up when I was already loose.

Throughout the trip, I denied alcohol four more times, I think. My auntie was so concerned about my laconic nature that she successfully slipped some alcohol into her cakes. Acting on manners, I ate them. lol. As a set of rules, I finally broke straight edge at the airport, when I drank bacardi before boarding the plane (we couldn't take it on according to 100ml liquid/handcarry laws). Why was I anal over alcohol during the trip? Why did I purposefully alienate myself from people?

I have learnt this. The term that starts tomorrow is going to be one of the toughest 9 weeks of school I have experienced ever. Our minds would be so focussed on obedience, that we will break down due to an absence of freedom. Something's got to give, and too much obedience is toxic. This is why I've given up straight edge.

Everyone needs to take the time off to chill, party, relax and breathe the life that they have. It is a birthright. The weird thing is that looking over my blog posts, I've sounded so vain in publicising my personality, that it's destroyed the humility that people usually identify me with. In actual fact, through the additional obedience of straight edge, I've alienated myself from other people unnecessarily, and to be quite blunt, I have walked alone in this conviction.

I don't think straight edge was a natural quality of mine to begin with. It was merely an easy obedience which gave me a 'sense of purpose which I otherwise lacked'. To quote Michael McGirr even further, "You can only live like this for so long before you start causing as much pain to people you love as to yourself. There comes a point at which you can no longer recognise yourself in the things you are starting to say or do" (p173, Bypass)
Humans aren't perfect. Humans suffer. Humans change. This is who we are.

The old adage which Parkway Drive aptly employed, resounds true: Home is where the heart is. To quote McGirr again (these are probably the only good quotes in Bypass, so if you ceebs reading it, here's more quotes):
"It's hard to make room for others unless you know where your roots are; it's hard to answer the door if you don't belong inside. The most stable people are often the most hospitable" (p306, Bypass)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So in the end, what have I tried to say? There needs to be a balance in life between obedience and freedon. Overindulgence in one end of the spectrum would make you physically and emotionally unhealthy, causing a lack of hospitality towards others. I feel a calling to party (as naive as that sounds). I need to feel free, whilst not overindulging in a Falstaffian manner (look up in google, basically means to squander in reckless living). Therefore, to close the door on alcohol (and in a general sense, to internalise suffering), would be to close the door on more friends. Secrets don't make friends, and loners bask in their own darkness. Like the Japanese did in the Meiji Restoration, we need to open up to external influence in order to grow as people.

So yeah. big rant there. so if thou want to know more about my trip, ask me in own time so i don't have to brag on a public forum. hope this was not too complicating for you :)

Love you all. Good luck for the term.
Justin

the innocence of youth

"we've lost the innocence of youth
(and left our hearts by the wayside)
but i can tell you in years to come
we'll get it back
and you will breathe ever so deeply
then let go of all the heaviness
you've carried for so many years
throughout the pain
throughout the fear
just know that i'll be here"
The Amity Affliction - "Fuck the Yankees",Youngbloods (2010)

i've listened to two great albums recently: Parkway Drive - Deep Blue, and The Amity Affliction - Youngbloods. In a broad sense, both albums talk about delving deep into the human conscience to search for truth. I thank both Parkway and Amity for these albums. good hardcore :)

Just like most of yr 12, I've been thinking about my future, and what this year will contribute to my later life. All I need is that I need cleansing, something more than academics. I need to feed my freedom, for I've lived under jurisdictions and discipline for too long. Thankfully I am taking a GAP year next year.

I'm really tempted to email Jaddan Comerford from the Staple Group for work experience at Boomtown Records. But he has to work 100 hours a week as manager of the Staple Group, so it might be inconsiderate to intervene on his business.
And I might join Three Phase Productions (Boorondara Freeza community) for third term hols to learn about event management, audio production and the whole monty.
Whether I can afford a bold move like this, is another question. Term 3 will be a major bitch, and the holidays following the 9 weeks will prove to be no better. I think the music industry holds the answer to my happiness. However, if I can get a scholarship to Monash, then monetary means won't threaten my future.
Anyone interested in music industry, here's freeza's addy : http://www.freeza.vic.gov.au/ViewPage.action?siteNodeId=1479

The equivocation is tantalising. However, year 12 cannot cloud my values. 5 months to go...

I'm extremely happy for holidays albeit 60 hours of hw ahead of me :) I'm going away on Thursday for rest of holidays too, so no post until i get back i think.

I hope that everyone has a great holiday! Rest your minds, have fun :) Life is beautiful and there's room for everybody on this earth.

Justin

P.S Let's pray for Lachlan O Brien. I hope his spinal injury heals quickly so he can enjoy his youth. Also I keep in my heart my Parish priest. He got prostate cancer, chemo killed it, and now he's got liver cancer. To see a broken man like him confronting death head-on is inspirational. I pray he may find truth with God.

formal = faith, family, friends, forever!

thank you to everyone who spent the night with me at yr 12 formal last night, in particular Smitty and Nicky for pres and afters respectively. I loved it. Check out tagged photos. It was also my brother's 3rd birthday yesterday, so i feel indebted to my family for escorting me round.

One thing that I should point out about last night was the camaraderie that hung between individuals. How epic is the convention of the dance circle (I started one last night = twas fun :)! More mind boggling is the phenomenon of men dancing with men to boost their masculinity. I did this many a time last night, and people probably questioned my sexuality when watching me. i don't blame them :P

dancing. the act that tells people that you love life, and that you do not take yourself seriously. i'm not sure what self-consciousness i had yesterday, because i was blazing on the dancefloor last night. yes i was bad. but hey, i love who i am, and that's the main thing.

so many smiles on facebook propping up. a night of happiness and psychological surrender as adversity is behind us.
fortunately i did not surrender my values last night. I'm still straight edge. I did not drink last night. Now people might think this is extremely odd, but when i asked Nick about whether i should renounce straight edge, all my friends around me persuaded me not to drink. 'you don't have to drink to have fun' said one girl. 'stay dry' said another boy. I love this support, so i said no to booze. I win.

Stick to your guns. Love who you are.
Justin

save yourself

last post would have been strange, had a headache so it might have screwed with my thinking.

it's been good having time to myself. it's good to reflect amidst such business. in these times of dormancy though, i have had to refine my purpose in life and rejuvenate as a human being. it's been bloody hard; however i can honestly say that i've confronted my insecurities and have provided mechanisms to appease these insecurities. i know my weak spots at this stage in the game.

one thing that is the backbone of these mechanisms is the notion of self belief. without believing in one's self, your identity will be malleable and your social bearings will be vulnerable. You have to save yourself before you help others, and dismissing your suffering is not the way to go. Tackling the problems in your life is the way to go. My own perspective of self worth has been a bit shaky these last few weeks, but i've picked it up again. it's a good feeling to stand on one's dignity again :)

everybody who reads this, believe in who you are and what you have. don't be afraid of falling, for through that cinder heap you will find the answer.

formal coming up. same day as bro's b'day. should be a very busy day hehehe. i might drink one bottle of beer; that way i won't see drop bears in Chris' backyard.

have a great one, catch ya when i do :)

life is like a snowball, shape it how you like it because you only get one shot

hehehe i went to the snow today with family. 1st time ethan went to snow, he was overjoyed :)
on the way back though, i started to reflect on the last year of my life. it's gone by amazingly quick. i've cried a bit cos it's so demanding. i have become the architect of my own life, which is a great thing; however, success does not come without struggle. I know there is suffering greater than mine in the world, but being self effacing and ignoring my struggles would just undermine my dignity and self esteem.

i'm starting to evaluate what i need in my life at the moment. Mick Jagger once said: 'You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you'll get what you need'. I have been pretty blessed with life so far, with family and friends at the vanguard of what i stand for. i think this is what i need at this stage of the game.

i've become more confused as to what music i want to play when i'm older :P all i know is that i want to create something that's mine, and that i can share with the whole world.

i'm also beginning to see more the 'give and take' nature of relationships, and it is when i explore this avenue, that my social insecurities haunt me.

it's ok that people depend upon me for emotional support; however, there is a limit, and i feel that i need more people who i can depend on equally as they do me. That might seem very selfish, but that's how i feel. The mutualism of relationships stabilises the human condition, and i guess, these last few years, there have been very few people with whom i can confide to and seek equal support.

formal's coming up in a week. so it's time to get excited :) still deciding whether to renounce straight edge for the night.

i hope anybody who's reading has realised that i've adopted a pensive tone in this article rather than full-on emo rahrah. i'm just realigning my social bearings, that's all.
i probably shouldn't be venting too much to avoid cyberstalkers

adios everyone, have a lovely week :)

am i asian? or am i white? or am i raceless? or am i faceless?

evening to all of you. i hope that your week has been lovely. mine has, albeit a lost diary.

i was travelling to my jazz gig tonight when the thought occured to me that people don't label me as "asian" as such. I'm not saying this is a bad thing; in fact, i think it is wonderful that i have formed a sense of identity that cannot be identified by a particular race's behaviour.
although, like many asians, i like organisation, and that can make me a bit of a control freak sometimes.

i feel that stereotypes in society are necessary to an extent. It's natural for the mind to associate a person's behaviour with a skin colour, a generalisation etc. what i think should be explored more often, however, is the formation of an undefinable and idiosyncratic identity. it's a fairly left wing idea (as are many of my ideas), but i get disheartened sometimes when people conform to what they think seems "cool", eg the jock culture in Australia and the notions of drinking and bj's and 'tits out for the boys' are just not "cool". It just leads to a path of social confusion, erosion of morals and a ignorant perspective of life.

i'm christian
i like metal
i'm straight edge (until i'm 18 for now (unless mitigating circumstances like the formal forces me to drink))
i'm of asian descent
i play guitar
i do no sciences
i want to be a rock star.
i love my family and friends so much that it's given me the trait of being self effacing.

people think i'm a banana, yellow on the outside and white on the inside. i prefer to think of myself as an apple. bite me.

self effacing

it's the time of year when everyone is busy, when the average teenager questions his identity amidst a black sea of business. recently i hurt someone, and i feel horrible that i cannot go back and retreat my actions.

one of my greatest weaknesses is the ability to internalise the quintessential thoughts that govern my existence. sometimes i act really passive, trampled by the courageous voices of people who live life. when i do act, i am in constant scrutiny by my peers and by myself. instead of fixing a problem, i draw closer towards the corner of the wall.

it's times like this when i realise that human nature, myself included, can be so macchiaveliian, and self interest can distort our very social interactions. i know there is no such thing as a utopia, but to hurt any human being in any way is wrong.

miscommunication is the bane of human existence, and in the end, i know jack-shit about how to communicate my wants and needs to others. i am a pathetic being who wanders around in circles, falling over the same shoelaces I didn't tie hard enough.

i'm sorry that i have made mistakes that have killed another's sense of who they are. i am still struggling to come to terms with this.

a sense of direction in life

good evening my friends! I hope that you have had a wonderful and fruitful last few weeks :)

Kudos to Luc, Daniel, Jeremy and Jackson for coming to Trivia Night last night. We so should have won that weekend away :P To support Purcee, I decided a few months ago to try raise money for Zimele, a pledge that culminated last night as with the help of my parents and parishioners, we organised a Music and Movies Trivia Night. I'm so sorry if I didn't publicise this enough, and you wanted to come, but if you think that this is a good idea for charity, or just for fun, then let me know and we can perhaps organise another one.

We raised $1,200 last night. My oath. That puts 15 African young un's through school for a year, with one meal a day for themselves. How fantastic is the power of community to do good. I admire Mr Purcell so much for publicising Zimele, even to deaf ears. And I actually want to let him know that the unyielding force of charity that he is preaching is good. Now people can take the line of thought that we're just flinging money at charities, and they should bloody manage the distribution of money better than to ask for more money.

Tell me one con that negates charity work. There is no harm done by helping. Self preservation and consolidation might be necessary for us to form a sense of social identity; however, we need to think outside the four corners of the square to expand our ego boundaries.

To prevent me from going off-topic :P, I see that too often people, and especially year 12's, forget why they do what they do. A sense of social disorientation sets in about this time of the year, with exams and the dread of formal dates plaguing our minds, reinforcing a false illusion of apathy and consequently cynicism. We must love what we do. We're going forward in life. That's the beauty of life, and looking back, I will never regret any decision I have made.

+Have a lovely week+ I will write more after Gambier tour (next Friday-Sunday)

TIme. What does the word mean to you?

Time surrounds us in dynamic generation, a cloud which seeps through our human fibers. The last 2 weeks have made me think about how busy my life is, and how effective time management is in creating a life of happiness.

Yr 12 is a year where procrastination attempts to pollute our simple lives. There's a difference between taking a break and spending endless time running around in circles and avoiding the problems at hand. Procrastination leads to apathy which, as a good friend of mine once said, offshoots into nihilism. Nihilism is the source of negative energy and the only way to go forward in life is by living and projecting positive energy.

David Bowie once said: 'Time can change me, but I can't change time'. Having said that, I am so pleased to see people living the fullness of their life. Life is meant to be fun, and even if it casts blows at you, you make life fun. In particular, I would like to mention Jack Mason, because mate, this is a guy who just gives 110% to everything he does. I am so happy I met this vibrant little chap that's so busy, he's like a duracell battery bunny. Jack, if you're reading this, I hope you get better. Shit luck has once again come at your doorstep, but just keep going mate, you're an inspiration.

Music is the documentary of the human soul. The expansion of my soul into other dimensions will be seen in Lunchstock (which I hope is postponed), and later jazz gigs such as Gambier etc. Like Nikki Sixx once said: 'My heart is like an open book for the whole world to read. Sometimes nothing keeps me together at the seams' Hopefully the over-stimulation of music does not make me too stressed and self-conscious.

Zimele it up readers. If you're interested in participating in Music/Movies trivia night for Zimele, let me know. It's happening next Saturday and I will be playing :)

Tetris time.

so i've got 11 weeks of school ahead of me

What's cracking guys? hope the holidays have brought you moments that you will never remember, and that you've spent them with the people you'll never forget

From one cliche to another, time flies. I can probably sum up my holidays in these few words: boarding, moshing and 24. Both boarding and moshing were quite enjoyable as in both instances I flailed my arms around magnificently. Went to hardcore gig with a few mates on Friday too to see Antagonist A.D and House Vs Hurricane. My oath, they're two hardcore bands that will go a long way in the music business. And as I was in the mosh pit, I could not help but notice a few Asian girls being lost. Sad they didn't approach me.

Oh what is it with me and falling for girls I've only met for the first time? :P

Anywho, I've spent about 24 hours doing hw with no intention of completing the 40 hours required for a yr 12 student.
Life is bloody short, there's 24 hours in a day. Do something different each day that will define your life. I tried boarding these hols and I fell. Miserably :P. But I loved the adrenaline, the feeling that you're unstoppable going down a hill.

It's important that every person takes time to reflect on their lives and realise that every decision they make is within arms reach. Sure it's easy to get stressed, sure it's easy to quit and drown yourself in alcohol and artificial substances. At the end of the day, it's your life, and be proud of everything you do :)

I love life. You should too.

"Those who say 'It can't be done' are often interrupted by those doing it"
I got this in a fortune cookie yesterday. Awesome.

Oh, and I'm organising a Trivia Night (sorta like Rockwiz) with my church for Zimele. Whoever wants to know more mail me, and I'll send you a flyer.

While we are in comfortable socio-economic strata, let's give back to the community :)
+ Have an awesome day +

happy happy joy joy...

Happy Easter everyone! and Happy End of Daylight-Savings for all you nocturnal party animals :P

You may be thinking: 'O no, he's gone and pulled another publicity stunt...' Which is true, to an extent. The whole world revolves around advocating your self interest and to get the world to notice you for who you are.

Anywho...it was upon advice by Jackson Chen that I thought: 'Maybe it's good if I publish my thoughts' So voila!

Many of you know me as having many personas. The fun and friendly guy. The really quiet kid who doesn't say much. The kid with a big mouth. The dnm guy. I hope to expose all these personas and more through frequent blogs.

Today, since my MSN is down, I feel like talking about friendships, because friendships are vital in the hostile world which is VCE. Indeed VCE is a Very Crappy Experience, and I reckon VCE is comprised of two battles:
1) battle to get a high ATAR
2) battle against the monotony of work work work, or as i like to call it, the ocean of apathy

It is during battle 2 that friendships are vital. Nobody wants to be left alone; however, nobody should feel like they have to be a psychologist for all of their friend's problems (unless they're in a intimate relationship , which I'll get to)

Friendships can nourish your life in so many ways, but it can also be poison that sucks the living daylight out of you (watch out, Robert Pattinson). The key to a good friendship, i think, is this:

1) Friends need to have fun :) That's what attracts one person to another, when they have something in common that is reinvigorating in their life, for eg: My first band not only provided me with the joy of music, but also with the joy of community and the presence of 3 other guys doing stupid shit, such as hitting the cowbells on our heads, and singing to Taylor Dayne.

2) Friends help each other through any viscous adversity whatsoever. There's nothing like that feeling when you know somebody's watching your back and lifting you up from crumbling ashes.

3) On that note as well, it's important to give your friend some space. One thing I've realised over the years is that unless you're in a really close relationship like a bf/gf relationship, bromance or whatnot, you need to give the frienship time to breathe. There's nothing worse than an exhausted relationship with no avenue of conversation and interest. With intimate relationships like the aforementioned, you just need to talk through with the other person and balance the social scales so you're both happy.

4) Communication is key. It sucks when communication falls through, and suddenly you end up with your friend hating you, or you having to break up with your partner because you don't trust each other anymore. Never underestimate a person's ability to listen. Everyone needs a crying shoulder.

I'm sure there's many other things I could tackle, but it's nearing midnight and i should clock my 7th hour of guitar practice for the hols. I hope I didn't sound too didactic and know-all.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday; I hope to post one/two more entries before the holidays finish.
+God bless+ :)

世上无难事，只怕有心人
(shi shang wu nan shi, zhi pa you xin ren)

anything can be done through persistence; nothing is impossible.
NIKE always rips off China