the innocence of youth

"we've lost the innocence of youth
(and left our hearts by the wayside)
but i can tell you in years to come
we'll get it back
and you will breathe ever so deeply
then let go of all the heaviness
you've carried for so many years
throughout the pain
throughout the fear
just know that i'll be here"
The Amity Affliction - "Fuck the Yankees",Youngbloods (2010)

i've listened to two great albums recently: Parkway Drive - Deep Blue, and The Amity Affliction - Youngbloods. In a broad sense, both albums talk about delving deep into the human conscience to search for truth. I thank both Parkway and Amity for these albums. good hardcore :)

Just like most of yr 12, I've been thinking about my future, and what this year will contribute to my later life. All I need is that I need cleansing, something more than academics. I need to feed my freedom, for I've lived under jurisdictions and discipline for too long. Thankfully I am taking a GAP year next year.

I'm really tempted to email Jaddan Comerford from the Staple Group for work experience at Boomtown Records. But he has to work 100 hours a week as manager of the Staple Group, so it might be inconsiderate to intervene on his business.
And I might join Three Phase Productions (Boorondara Freeza community) for third term hols to learn about event management, audio production and the whole monty.
Whether I can afford a bold move like this, is another question. Term 3 will be a major bitch, and the holidays following the 9 weeks will prove to be no better. I think the music industry holds the answer to my happiness. However, if I can get a scholarship to Monash, then monetary means won't threaten my future.
Anyone interested in music industry, here's freeza's addy : http://www.freeza.vic.gov.au/ViewPage.action?siteNodeId=1479

The equivocation is tantalising. However, year 12 cannot cloud my values. 5 months to go...

I'm extremely happy for holidays albeit 60 hours of hw ahead of me :) I'm going away on Thursday for rest of holidays too, so no post until i get back i think.

I hope that everyone has a great holiday! Rest your minds, have fun :) Life is beautiful and there's room for everybody on this earth.

Justin

P.S Let's pray for Lachlan O Brien. I hope his spinal injury heals quickly so he can enjoy his youth. Also I keep in my heart my Parish priest. He got prostate cancer, chemo killed it, and now he's got liver cancer. To see a broken man like him confronting death head-on is inspirational. I pray he may find truth with God.

formal = faith, family, friends, forever!

thank you to everyone who spent the night with me at yr 12 formal last night, in particular Smitty and Nicky for pres and afters respectively. I loved it. Check out tagged photos. It was also my brother's 3rd birthday yesterday, so i feel indebted to my family for escorting me round.

One thing that I should point out about last night was the camaraderie that hung between individuals. How epic is the convention of the dance circle (I started one last night = twas fun :)! More mind boggling is the phenomenon of men dancing with men to boost their masculinity. I did this many a time last night, and people probably questioned my sexuality when watching me. i don't blame them :P

dancing. the act that tells people that you love life, and that you do not take yourself seriously. i'm not sure what self-consciousness i had yesterday, because i was blazing on the dancefloor last night. yes i was bad. but hey, i love who i am, and that's the main thing.

so many smiles on facebook propping up. a night of happiness and psychological surrender as adversity is behind us.
fortunately i did not surrender my values last night. I'm still straight edge. I did not drink last night. Now people might think this is extremely odd, but when i asked Nick about whether i should renounce straight edge, all my friends around me persuaded me not to drink. 'you don't have to drink to have fun' said one girl. 'stay dry' said another boy. I love this support, so i said no to booze. I win.

Stick to your guns. Love who you are.
Justin

save yourself

last post would have been strange, had a headache so it might have screwed with my thinking.

it's been good having time to myself. it's good to reflect amidst such business. in these times of dormancy though, i have had to refine my purpose in life and rejuvenate as a human being. it's been bloody hard; however i can honestly say that i've confronted my insecurities and have provided mechanisms to appease these insecurities. i know my weak spots at this stage in the game.

one thing that is the backbone of these mechanisms is the notion of self belief. without believing in one's self, your identity will be malleable and your social bearings will be vulnerable. You have to save yourself before you help others, and dismissing your suffering is not the way to go. Tackling the problems in your life is the way to go. My own perspective of self worth has been a bit shaky these last few weeks, but i've picked it up again. it's a good feeling to stand on one's dignity again :)

everybody who reads this, believe in who you are and what you have. don't be afraid of falling, for through that cinder heap you will find the answer.

formal coming up. same day as bro's b'day. should be a very busy day hehehe. i might drink one bottle of beer; that way i won't see drop bears in Chris' backyard.

have a great one, catch ya when i do :)

life is like a snowball, shape it how you like it because you only get one shot

hehehe i went to the snow today with family. 1st time ethan went to snow, he was overjoyed :)
on the way back though, i started to reflect on the last year of my life. it's gone by amazingly quick. i've cried a bit cos it's so demanding. i have become the architect of my own life, which is a great thing; however, success does not come without struggle. I know there is suffering greater than mine in the world, but being self effacing and ignoring my struggles would just undermine my dignity and self esteem.

i'm starting to evaluate what i need in my life at the moment. Mick Jagger once said: 'You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you'll get what you need'. I have been pretty blessed with life so far, with family and friends at the vanguard of what i stand for. i think this is what i need at this stage of the game.

i've become more confused as to what music i want to play when i'm older :P all i know is that i want to create something that's mine, and that i can share with the whole world.

i'm also beginning to see more the 'give and take' nature of relationships, and it is when i explore this avenue, that my social insecurities haunt me.

it's ok that people depend upon me for emotional support; however, there is a limit, and i feel that i need more people who i can depend on equally as they do me. That might seem very selfish, but that's how i feel. The mutualism of relationships stabilises the human condition, and i guess, these last few years, there have been very few people with whom i can confide to and seek equal support.

formal's coming up in a week. so it's time to get excited :) still deciding whether to renounce straight edge for the night.

i hope anybody who's reading has realised that i've adopted a pensive tone in this article rather than full-on emo rahrah. i'm just realigning my social bearings, that's all.
i probably shouldn't be venting too much to avoid cyberstalkers

adios everyone, have a lovely week :)