obedience vs freedom. hmmm....

NB - i do not blame you if you get confused by this blog post. it is probably the most dense blog post i have written so far.

hello everyone! i trust everyone has had a lovely holiday, and have, through one way of another, unleashed the tension that is experienced in yr 12.

For two of the three weeks of holiday, I went travelling. Malaysia. England. Italy. I don't feel like boasting about it on the internet, but I will say this: travelling globalises your perspective of life so much. There were a couple of times on this trip that I had great discoveries about myself and the people I love. I travelled for about 60 hours during those two weeks, so that allowed for some deep thinking, natural appreciation, and a lovely time with my family and relatives.
If you want more glamorous details about my trip, ask me about it privately.
Photos will only be up on Facebook because Kat Wong is tagged in most of them :P

Now to the philosophical. It's mainly on my straight edge philosophy.

During the trip, I remained quite passive and laconic, taking in my surroundings as they came, and trying to adapt to new countries. This particularly moved the adults, and there was this one time that struck me when I was a lone teenager amidst five adults eating dinner in Italy (Kat Wong and her friend went to Amsterdam and Paris). They started offering me alcohol, and during the night I refused five different types of wine. I felt so anal, but I really didn't see the point of loosening up when I was already loose.

Throughout the trip, I denied alcohol four more times, I think. My auntie was so concerned about my laconic nature that she successfully slipped some alcohol into her cakes. Acting on manners, I ate them. lol. As a set of rules, I finally broke straight edge at the airport, when I drank bacardi before boarding the plane (we couldn't take it on according to 100ml liquid/handcarry laws). Why was I anal over alcohol during the trip? Why did I purposefully alienate myself from people?

I have learnt this. The term that starts tomorrow is going to be one of the toughest 9 weeks of school I have experienced ever. Our minds would be so focussed on obedience, that we will break down due to an absence of freedom. Something's got to give, and too much obedience is toxic. This is why I've given up straight edge.

Everyone needs to take the time off to chill, party, relax and breathe the life that they have. It is a birthright. The weird thing is that looking over my blog posts, I've sounded so vain in publicising my personality, that it's destroyed the humility that people usually identify me with. In actual fact, through the additional obedience of straight edge, I've alienated myself from other people unnecessarily, and to be quite blunt, I have walked alone in this conviction.

I don't think straight edge was a natural quality of mine to begin with. It was merely an easy obedience which gave me a 'sense of purpose which I otherwise lacked'. To quote Michael McGirr even further, "You can only live like this for so long before you start causing as much pain to people you love as to yourself. There comes a point at which you can no longer recognise yourself in the things you are starting to say or do" (p173, Bypass)
Humans aren't perfect. Humans suffer. Humans change. This is who we are.

The old adage which Parkway Drive aptly employed, resounds true: Home is where the heart is. To quote McGirr again (these are probably the only good quotes in Bypass, so if you ceebs reading it, here's more quotes):
"It's hard to make room for others unless you know where your roots are; it's hard to answer the door if you don't belong inside. The most stable people are often the most hospitable" (p306, Bypass)

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So in the end, what have I tried to say? There needs to be a balance in life between obedience and freedon. Overindulgence in one end of the spectrum would make you physically and emotionally unhealthy, causing a lack of hospitality towards others. I feel a calling to party (as naive as that sounds). I need to feel free, whilst not overindulging in a Falstaffian manner (look up in google, basically means to squander in reckless living). Therefore, to close the door on alcohol (and in a general sense, to internalise suffering), would be to close the door on more friends. Secrets don't make friends, and loners bask in their own darkness. Like the Japanese did in the Meiji Restoration, we need to open up to external influence in order to grow as people.

So yeah. big rant there. so if thou want to know more about my trip, ask me in own time so i don't have to brag on a public forum. hope this was not too complicating for you :)

Love you all. Good luck for the term.
Justin